About StiTcheS' Campaign

"I believe in cardboard, sawdust and the Toy Worldian way."

Are you for or against abortion?

I believe that all fetuses have the right to however much sawdust their mothers can provide. If there is no sawdust, the fetuses should be able to choose when they want to leave the womb to find their own. Let the fetus decide!

What are your plans to end the war?

Our toy troops over seas need more parts! We need to come together to collect all stuffing, plastic and sawdust to aid them.

 

Taxes

Taxes are annoying! I say abolish taxes and replace it with sawdust!

 

Health Care

I care about everyone’s health, which is why we need more sawdust in our diets. I will do my best to increase the flow of sawdust by cutting down more trees and better recycling previously used wood products.

 

How to save the poor orphans of Jergistan?

As president I will personally visit Jergistan to replenish their supplies of cardboard, wood and sawdust.

 

What are you going to do to bring the price of oil down?

We should destroy all cars and create vehicles from human trash that is powered by our will. We already have the plans to move forward with this project.

 

What are your views on the environment and global warming?

I will take great means to plant more and more trees to ensure the steady supply of sawdust. As for global warming, I say down with pollution! We need to find an alternate energy source in garbage.

 

How about the Polar Bears? How are you planning on saving the Polar Bears?

Polar bears are mean, but deserve our protection anyway! They need more sawdust in their diets to grow strong and fight off the poachers and icebergs.

 

Gun and sword Control? The cowboys and pirates are in check, but what about the ninjas?

I have no problems with guns or swords, just as long as imbeciles who like to shoot at things without regard to consequence do not own them. The ninjas are another story. We need to create a elite group of ninja bounty hunters to keep the normal ninjas in check. Oh, and we can offer a free 2 ounce bag of sawdust to everyone who can prove they aren’t idiots by taking the S.I.T.’s. (The Standardized Idiot Test)

 

Privacy, Homeland Security, Patriot Act?

Everyone needs and deserves their privacy, but we also need to be able to keep an eye on those who might destroy our Toy Worldian peace. Therefore I propose that whoever fails one math test from high school will be subjected to privacy infringement. Especially the ladies.