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Melissa Diaz

The Best Bio Written By Man, Ever

Melissa Diaz was the first female president in the year two-thousand-thirty-eleven. She solved world peace and ended the global fruit pie famine of 1742 using nothing but a shovel and half a metric ton of twine. (Excerpt from Wikipedia) Melissa travels to space annually on sheer imagination and a pair of wing-ed elbow pads to attend the united space galaxy federation of alliances to oppose the dissemination of colloquial longitude. She shops for pumpkins with her trusty companions Rush, Red 13, Scooby Doo, Lassie, Benji, the Fox and the Hound, Milo and Otis, the Skexies, Darkness, Goblin King, Luck Dragon, the Doctor, Atreyu, Earthworm Jim, Sonic the Hedgehog, Vera, Evil the Cat, Officer John McClain, Martin Riggs, Queen Alien and Ripley, Jessica Rabbit, Jack Skellington, Captain Planet, Nicodemus and the Rats of Nimh, Mad Max II, Blanky, Howard the Duck, Littlefoot, Bump in the Night, Darkwing Duck, all four Street Sharks and one Ninja Turtles plus Casey Jones, Chun Li, the Japanese Ronald McDonald, a Green Jelley, I-95 South, He-Man, Snarf, Willow/Wicket, the DOOM SONG, Hyung Tae Kim, Mad Martigan, Lady Lovely Locks, Captain Jack Sparrow, the City of Baltimore, Tron, the Chesire Cat, All the Carebear Cousins, Rainbow Brite's Evil Twin2 , Captain Malcolm Reynolds, Optimus Primal, Betty Boop, Hexadecimal, Patrick Swayze and Flipper.


Every morning Melissa blends 12 blue berry beagles served with half squeezed orange peels on rye. She would love to dance for you, but she is too busy dominating in the downhill event at the Winter Olympics.


Melissa's arch nemesis is the contemptuous sphere, a mystacular orb put in place by the Ancients, that exists only to spit derision at unsuspecting passer byes.

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